Why?
Because LIFE. LIFE IS WHY.
So this weekend there is a pretty big race. It will be the farthest I've ever ran. The first time I've had to go to a race alone. I have to drive myself the two hours there at the ass crack of dawn and try to navigate my way through a city I don't know and find where I'm suppose to go when 90% of the streets my GPS will tell me to take will be closed for the run.....AND THEN drive 2 hours home after running 15.5 miles.....KEEPING IN MIND after running 13.1 miles last fall I could barely walk to the table of water and bananas...There will be no family there to celebrate with me..............And the hardest one to swallow is I will miss another one of my son's t-ball games.
So I really.really.really.really just want to say fuck it.
However...the only way to get over this SERIOUS blah state I'm in is to do this run. To tell that little voice in my head that she's being an ASS HOLE. Defy ALL OF THE FREAKING THINGS I have working against me and cross that finish line.
Something I've learned through all the miles I've ran is the hardest runs are the most rewarding. It's so easy to say no...I'm done. Or no...I'm not going to run today...Or no...I'm not going that extra mile. But if I would have done that THERE IS NO WAY I would be where I am today...Happier and healthier than I have EVER been in my life. So why start now?
I'm doing this race. This race I've been pretending isn't happening yet I've been training for...I'm doing it because I WILL NOT go back to that craptastic state of mind I was in for so so long. I WILL NOT let myself down which is EXACTLY what would happen if I didn't go...
And when I cross the finish line it will be better than when I finished my first half marathon. It will be better than any long run I've ever completed. It will be better than any of the other 500 miles I've ran in the last year...WHY? Because I almost didn't go. I almost didn't finish something I've started.
And that's just not going to happen.
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So I will put on my big girl panties. Drive the 2 hours there at the ass crack of dawn all by my damned self. Find a place to park in a city I am not familiar with. Pick up my bib number. Go the the start line. Cry. Wait for the gun. And rock the shit out of those 15.5 miles because I can.
Bring it on Grand Rapids River Run...Bring.It.On.
Bring it girl!! Good pep talk and justification.
ReplyDeleteI'd be of the same mind set and have to force myself for the sake of pride that I set out to do it and dammit defy all those hurdles and excuses and just do it.
You got it!
April @ OverExtendedApril
Your pep talk to yourself has kept me at work and committed to crossfit training tonight and then a planning meeting, because I was soooo close to saying screw it all and just going home to rest. But you're right. Committed. DO IT! You got this :)
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