Monday Motivation.

It's been awhile...

Since my children are playing nicely...I MUST write about what I've been doing because the world cares oh so much..............................................................

This winter has sucked. I read yesterday that after our snow last week, Michigan has accumulated over 70 inches of snow this year. BLAH.

Not to mention the INSANE cold we've had....-20 and -30 windchills for 3 or 4 days in a row.... TWICE!

I've kept running but cut down A LOT...I was running between 12 and 15 miles a week...Now I'm between 6 and 9 miles a week. BLAH.

The only way I can describe this to non runners (like my husband who thinks I'm CRAZY for running on some of the days I do...like mid snowmageddon.......................) Think of something you LOVE...something that relaxes you and makes you a better person...like drinking wine.....what if your wine bottle was right outside of your window....and Mother Nature dumped snow and ice all over it....so you can still see that beautiful little bottle but can't get to it. Some days you can chip away at the snow and ice enough to get a straw in the top of the bottle and take a little sip...but not drink the whole bottle like you want to because it's mostly frozen...so you go back in your house and stare at the frozen wine bottle for another week HOPING next time you can take a bigger drink. In the mean time your whole house is imploding on itself because you are going to LOSE IT.

ANYWAYS...I'm doing the best I can in this craptastic winter. And for those people that think I'm crazy for running in the snow and the cold....................I have a throat punch for you whenever you'd like to say to me, "WHY DO YOU RUN IN THIS WEATHER!??!?! YOU'RE CRAZY." I'll show you crazy.

So for Dana's birthday I had my parents come visit so we could go away for a night.  We spent the entire day Saturday doing absolutely whatever we wanted...We didn't have to work around naps, grumpy children, snack time, or diaper explosions. It.Was.Heaven. We are going to do more date days than date nights from now on. So we went to Marshalls which has always been one of my least favorite stores to shop at.  I HATE the disorganization. But it's Dana's FAVORITE store because he LOVES the disorganization and randomness..........................we are about as opposite as it gets..................... I knew I wanted to buy at least one pair of jeans because my jeans that I have been wearing were starting to look like hammer pants. So I sifted through the racks and found a brand of jeans I had bought last April for my sister's engagement...at that time I still didn't fit in any of my pre baby jeans and thought yoga pants weren't appropriate for the occasion..................................



Those were a size 16.

So as I'm looking through the cluster ...... of a store I found these same jeans but in a size 10. My mind says. YEAH>RIGHT. Just looking at these jeans there's just no way there going to fit. So I grabbed a 12 and 14 in the same style because those were much more likely to at least zip right?!

So I get to the dressing room and am staring at the 3 pairs of jeans.  Which do I try on first? Big to small? Small to big? Right in the middle? Then I said to myself....Holy shit Sarah......You've worked your ass off......try on the freaking 10's.

On they went.

Up they zipped.

And I cried.

And took a picture of course.



A FREAKING SIZE 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 sizes smaller than the last time I bought that exact same style and brand of jeans.

That is why I run in snowmageddon. That is why I run when it's below zero.

This winter has been HARD....physically and mentally HARD.

I really don't care if I lose more weight or not.  What I've learned is I'm not running to lose weight. I'm running because it makes me better on the inside.

Now to be clear......my jean size doesn't make me better because I'm a size 10 rather than a 16...it's a bonus. It's been very hard to break out of the "I want to wear a size 6" or "140 pounds would be PERFECT" mentality.  I am not running to be a size 6 or weight 140 pounds...I'm running because it makes me happy. The weight loss and smaller jean sizes are just a bonus....a side effect of changing my life.  And numbers like jean sizes and pounds are ways I measure HOW my body has changed BUT NOT MY SUCCESS.

People have started to say things to me like....."You don't want to lose anymore weight do you?" or "This is as small as you want to be right?"

My answer is: I don't really care...

My goals ARE NOT ABOUT NUMBERS ON A SCALE OR A SIZE OF PANTS.

My goals revolve around running...my mental toughness...not letting that little shitty voice in my head that says I can't take over. Being faster. Running farther.

I run to feel like this.

If I lose more weight or more pants sizes great. If not...great. 

So if you're reading this thinking....Well she said before pants sizes don't matter and weight doesn't matter............................It doesn't. But it is what happens when you start investing in yourself.  And it's most definitely something to celebrate.

Until you spend hours in a dressing room trying on jeans just to walk out empty handed with tears streaming down your face because the largest size the store carries doesn't even come close to going over your hips... And a year later buy the first 2 pairs you put on......................Don't judge.

This week we will be in our 3rd "Polar Vortex" of the year. And I'm going to run more than 12 miles this week for the first time since December. Bring it winter.

Left: February 2014

Right: April 2013

Just. Keep. Going.